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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

We Need More Maps

Friday, August 31st, 2007 No comments

I shouldn’t take any delight in Miss Teen South Carolina’s embarrassment, but I will because it’s funny.

First, the video.

Next, a response.

Finally a map from The Morning Toast that should help explain what she was trying to say. Click on the image to see it full-size.
Miss Teen South Carolina Map

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Shopping Teams

Thursday, August 30th, 2007 No comments

From xkcd. Click on the image for a larger version.

Shopping Teams

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99% of the People You Will Ever Meet in College

Saturday, December 16th, 2006 No comments

Longest title ever.

I came a across a story on digg called “A brief summary of 99% of the people you will ever meet in college” that I thought was pretty funny. You can read the original here but I listed a few that I thought were funny.

Johnny Frat Boy – or – Sally Sorority Chick
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in a Greek organization, some people take their involvement in these groups a little too seriously. These are the people who can’t go 2 consecutive days without wearing their shirts from some drinking party they went to last weekend. Johnny Frat Boy likes to brag about how many beers he slammed down on Tuesday night, while Sally Sorority Chick acts as though she is too immaculate to be tarnished by your presence. In either case you shouldn’t worry about these two personality types too much because they only associate with each other. This brings me to another point: when you see these people outside of class, it is perfectly acceptable to run them over with your motor vehicle of choice.

Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major
Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major is the reason that you don’t want to go to class. He bathes roughly once every leap year and wears the same “totally awesome” Japanese video game (the import version was so much better) shirt for half a semester at a time. No matter how far away you get from him, the stench seems to travel across the room and assault your nostrils. Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major has no time for the English language, and he will often ask questions that make little to no sense and lack any sort of “grammatical structure.” He’s the only character that can actually give Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer a run for his money on the intellectual scale, but that’s only because he was probably born with knowledge of linear algebra and differential equations.

Major Elitist
No, he’s not in the military! Ha ha! All blatantly bad jokes aside, the Major Elitist is generally some type of science or engineering major who looks down on anyone who might even think about getting a humanities or business degree. After all, we all know that the only thing that’s important is science. All that other mamby-pansy bullshit like “History” or “English” or “the world economy” is just a bunch of feel-good rhetorical nonsense anyway. Besides, any jackass can get a liberal arts degree!

Non-Conformist Conformist
The Non-Conformist Conformist is an interesting species. While he tries to “fight the man,” he is unable to do so without conforming to another group. The Non-Conformist Conformist can be easily identified by his Rage Against the Machine or Che Guevara t-shirt and dark green corduroy pants. During the winter he will be wearing a military field coat from Germany with a patch on the side, and he often carries a wallet on a chain. You can identify him in the classroom because he’ll feel the need to share with the class his opinions of pop culture. He’ll use a condescending tone of voice because he’s better than little sheeple like you. That’s all right though because whether it be the punk, goth, or any other subculture, the Non-Conformist Conformist declares boldly, “I choose to not fit in by fitting in with a DIFFERENT group!”

The Sociable Slacker
This is the guy who went out of his way to talk to you on the first day. Was really personable, seems like a normal, social person. He even suggested trading phone numbers just in case you needed help. Fast forward to the second week of class – he’s not there. Same goes for all the classes until right before the midterm when you get a call. “Hey man, what’s up? How’s it going? Oh yeah, I missed the last class can I borrow all your notes and photocopy them? Yeah, we should go grab a beer one day.” No show again until the final where he calls you up again asking for notes. And that beer? A complete fabrication.

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Bushisms

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 No comments

It’s been over 2 years since I last did this, but I’m sharing more Bushisms. I got these from The Complete Bushisms.

“This morning my administration released the budget numbers for fiscal 2006. These budget numbers are not just estimates; these are the actual results for the fiscal year that ended February the 30th.” — Referring to the fiscal year that ended on Sept. 30, Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006.

“One has a stronger hand when there’s more people playing your same cards.” — Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006

“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” — Interview with CBS News, Washington D.C., Sept. 6, 2006

“And I suspect that what you’ll see, Toby, is there will be a momentum, momentum will be gathered. Houses will begat jobs, jobs will begat houses.” — Speaking with reporters along the Gulf Coast, Gulfport, Miss., Aug. 28, 2006

“I’ve reminded the prime minister — the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.” — Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006

“I tell people, let’s don’t fear the future, let’s shape it.” — Omaha, Neb., June 7, 2006

“I think — tide turning — see, as I remember — I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of — it’s easy to see a tide turn — did I say those words?” — Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

“The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany.” — Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

“That’s George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three — three or four books about him last year. Isn’t that interesting?” — Showing German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann the Oval Office, Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

“As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself — not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch.” — After visiting with wounded veterans from the Amputee Care Center of Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 1, 2006

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Software Development Process

Wednesday, July 19th, 2006 No comments

I can’t remember where I first saw this image, but I thought I would share. Click on the image to see a larger version.

software development process

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Weight Loss

Tuesday, August 9th, 2005 1 comment

I’ve lost about 25 lbs over the past 3-4 months. Here’s the key to success.

First you need to lose your appetite for no apparent reason. You won’t even be able to finish small meals for some reason. You’ll feel hungry about as much as you normally do, but once you start eating your desire to eat will disappear.

While this is going on you need to start exercising. Exercise is important. Even if you can’t go to a gym, you need to exercise.

After about a month you will gradually start back eating at normal levels. Again, there should be no logical explanation for this.

A few weeks later you need to come down with food poisoning and get so sick that you don’t want to eat much. Once again, you’ll be hungry, but the idea of eating will not be appealing. It’s okay to stop exercising while you are recovering from the food poisoning.

While you are sick from food poisoning, you need to go through a stressful event like a master’s defense. Hopefully, you’ll be so busy that you won’t have time to eat well.

After this is over you need to start back exercising. That’s really important. You can go back to eating the things you like, but do so in moderation. Moderation is important.

If your appetite suddenly starts playing tricks on you again, then that can be very helpful to weight loss.

Well, that’s how I did it. Whatever you do, don’t follow my lead. It was mostly random for me. Do it the right way.

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Bush

Thursday, October 28th, 2004 No comments


I saw this funny video of President Bush that was recorded when he was governor of Texas. He seems pretty proud of himself. You can watch the video here.

While you’re at it, take a look at Eminem’s new video called “Mosh”.

If either of the links are broken, you can probably find the videos somewhere else. I fixed the Google search to the left.

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Today’s FoxTrot Cartoon

Wednesday, October 6th, 2004 No comments
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Hail to the Chief

Tuesday, September 21st, 2004 No comments

President Bush gave a speech before the UN today. I didn’t pay attention to what he was talking about, but I started thinking about some of his famous quotes, otherwise known as “Bushisms”. Now I’m at work waiting for a build to complete, so I decided to search the net for some of them.

Who could forget this one?
“Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.”—Sept. 6, 2004, Poplar Bluff, Mo.

Or this one?
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”—Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

Did you even hear about this one?
“[B]y the way, we rank 10th amongst the industrialized world in broadband technology and its availability. That’s not good enough for America. Tenth is 10 spots too low as far as I’m concerned.”—Minneapolis, Minn., April 26, 2004

Thanks to The Complete Bushisms for the above quotes. DubyaSpeak.com has mp3’s of a lot of his quotes.

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Nerd Stuff

Thursday, August 26th, 2004 No comments

A couple of days ago I reinstalled Linux on my PS2. I messed something up the first time and I never got a chance to do any real stuff on it before. I was able to get some simple OpenGL programs to run. I’ll be making the next Final Fantasy in no time.

I installed Windows XP Service Pack 2 on my laptop. It only took about 2 hours. I hope I don’t have any major problems with it.

I’ve been playing a lot of GTA 3 lately since I never beat the game and the sequel comes out soon. I’m a little behind on the video games.

Check out these links when you have time:
Halo 2 gameplay footage – I can’t wait to play this game.
How to Write Unmaintainable Code – Jason sent me this one. It’s a little long, but I thought it was pretty funny.
HomestarRunner – Really cool Flash stuff. Check out the Strongbad emails if nothing else. Thanks again to Jason for telling me about this a long time ago.

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