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Not a whole lot has happened around here lately. I make an appearance here and there at birthday celebrations, but I mostly stay home. I’ve been sick for most of the past couple of months. Whatever I have is spreading around the lab I work in. Some days it seems like everybody’s coughing. There was actually a 2 week period where I was feeling file, but when I came back to work one Monday, another guy and I were both sick again. I feel better than I have in a while today, but the sickness is still lingering around.

Alex and I stopped dating about a month ago. It was his choice. Nothing happened. He decided that he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and just wanted a friend that he could be himself around. I never made that post about him that I promised. We met in the spring or summer of last year at a gamer meetup and became friends after we kept seeing each other at various events. When I made that Facebook post at the end of the year with the goal of wanting to go on one date this year, he told me that he had been wanting to ask me out for a while. I’m glad he did because I would’ve never known. We had lots of fun together while it lasted. I was always happy about the fact that we met the old fashioned way and not through an app. We still talk to each other every day and we’ve hung out a few times since then.

Alex did get that job at The Wet Spot and usually works there a few days a week. I’ve added more fish and plants to my aquarium. I’m trying to resist the urge to keep adding things. I’ve cut myself off, but Alex says I could probably get a few shrimp. Right now I have 8 cherry barbs, 5 black skirt tetras, 5 cardinal tetras, 4 algae eaters (otocinclus), and 4 bronze cory catfish.

Pride is this weekend. I’m not sure if I’ll do anything besides go to the festival. I feel like I should do more, especially after the shooting in Orlando last weekend. I can’t wait to not be sick again.

I want to start drawing again. I guess Alex rubbed off (he’s a painter). I used to draw some when I was young, but it was mostly trying to reproduce picture in books. I also think I want to do stuff on Youtube and stream on Twitch more often.

Hopefully, this summer will be more eventful. I have lots of ideas, just not of time.

Alex and I signed up to take swim lessons together at Portland State. He already knew how to swim, but just wanted to become more comfortable being in public pools. I had never really learned to swim. I’ve signed up for classes before, but either couldn’t go or stopped very soon into the class. We plan on doing some watery things this summer.

This class was short, only 4 sessions. We missed the first one because we were signed up for the wrong class and got our class an hour late. We just got in the water on our own. Afterwards, Alex said it didn’t feel bad at all being in the pool. That was the last time I saw him at the pool. He was busy during the other 3 sessions.

Over the next 3 sessions, there was 1 other person in the class on 2 days and just me on 1 day. I became more comfortable than I have ever been in the water. I swam without any kind of flotation device for the first time in my life. I couldn’t go for very far, but I was able to move. I got pretty good at kicking and doing a breast stroke. I need to practice more. I never really got the hang of treading water, but I can work on that more on my own. 3 45-minute sessions isn’t that much time.

I’m so glad I took the class. I might sign up for another one a little closer to home. Or I might just watch Youtube videos and practice on my own. Look at me. I’m a swimmer now!

I now have fish!

Growing up with my grandparents, I remember having an aquarium. We had gold fish and I’m sure other kinds. I don’t remember much except that sometimes we would wake up to find that sometimes one had jumped out of the tank.

In high school, when I was living with my mom, I decided to get my own tank. All the fish I got quickly died. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong and this was before I had the Internet to use for research.

I think I was in college when I got a betta. I think he died a few months later.

Alex has mentioned to me a few times that he worked in a fish store when he was younger and I told him about the my last unsuccessful attempts at fish ownership. He told me how he had helped friends set up tanks and kind of helped them take care of the fish. A few weeks ago we went to a fish store in Portland called The Wet Spot (heehee) and looked around at all the fish. I figured out about how much I was willing to spend and this past Saturday we went back. I got a 23-gallon tank/stand kit, some decorations and some other necessities. I’m glad Alex was there to tell me what to get. I think being there reminded him of his time working in a fish store, which was one of his favorite jobs. A couple of days later he submitted a resume actually applied for a job there to work around his school schedule. He’s had 2 interviews and thinks he has a good shot at getting the job.  That night we set up that tank at my place and let it warm up. I didn’t have time to go back and get fish the next day, so we went back on Monday. We got a few more decorations for the tank.

Alex helped me pick out some good, hardy starter fish that will help get the tank ready and are not so delicate that they’ll die easily. I have 8 red barbs and 5 black skirt tetras. They all seem to be happy so far.

There’s a lot more that goes into a tank than I realized. The starter fish are going to produce the chemicals that you need for a healthy tank. There’s all this regular maintenance that I’ll have to do one a month or twice a month. It’ll be fun though. I’ve heard that it can be an addictive hobby and that most people have multiple tanks. I’m going to try to limit myself to just one. I wonder what I’ll add to my tank next.

I may gut punch the next person who tells me I’m too quiet, I need to talk more, I need to be more outgoing, I’m too shy, etc. I had a great weekend this past weekend, but I got tired of these kinds of comments. After 30 years of this, I’ve had about enough.

I don’t think of myself as shy. I am fucking social butterfly. I’m not nervous around people. Yes, I’m reserved. I often like to listen more than I like to speak, especially in groups. I usually think before I speak. But that’s not the same as being shy. I’ll talk when I want to talk. Fuck off!

Being quiet does not mean I’m not outgoing. I picked up my life and moved across the fucking country. I go out socializing almost every week. I have an organizer role in 2 of the social groups that I’m a part of. I’ve made loads of new friends. I’ve done some dating. I joined one sports team and might be joining another one this week. How much more fucking outgoing should I be? I realize that not everyone pays attention to what I’m doing, so they might think that I’m a hermit that barely leaves the house and barely has human contact.

So, people should stop trying to change me to be more like them. Maybe they’re uncomfortable, but I’m great. I’m in one of the best periods of my life.

I’ve been hearing a lot of talking about this week’s episode of Black-ish, which from what I hear dealt with police brutality and institutionalized racism. I haven’t watched the show since early in the first season. I wish I had kept up with show. Maybe I’ll get caught up one day.

I luckily haven’t had any major incidents with police. I did get stopped while walking my dog one time because I supposedly looked like somebody they were after. It was embarrassing, but there was no physical harm done. Most of the overt racism I experience is getting called names online.

Over the past few days I’ve seen several black friends on Facebook admit that they had similar feelings to what was expressed in this episode on the night President Obama was elected in 2008. It’s like everyone’s been keeping that inside for over 7 years and now it’s safe to admit it. Personally, I don’t remember being especially afraid for Obama’s safety before election day. I talked to my sister that night after he won. There were fireworks going off where I was in Mississippi. She and her husband were having a celebratory glass of wine in Georgia. She said that she hoped he could be kept safe from the crazies and would be able to carry out his term. Wow! I hadn’t thought of that. I don’t think about that all the time now, but even after 7 years there are still people who hate that he’s president simply because he’s black. I’m friends with some of them on Facebook. I hope he’s able to finish out his term and lives a long, happy life after he leaves office.

What a difference a week or few can make?

I haven’t been to rugby practice in a few weeks. It was taking up too much time and I had things that I needed to work on at home. I missed a week of and at the next practice it dawned on me that I wasn’t having fun anymore. It was resenting the amount of time I was having to devote to it and it was starting to feel like a job. It was supposed to be recreational fun. A lot of the people who were coming out to practice weren’t coming out anymore and I was missing them. For now, I’m taking a step back and just supporting the team. Today the Lumberjacks play their first game and I’ll be out there cheering them on. Maybe I’ll be out there playing sometime soon.

I had a great Valentine’s Day weekend with the guy that I was seeing, Alex. The next weekend (which was also last weekend) things were different. Simply put, he’s got some things he needs to work through, so he needs to take a step back and just be friends. It was a shock to me because everything was great up to the moment he told me this. He assured me that I hadn’t done anything wrong, though. We’ve been in contact throughout the week. We had drinks last night and I feel optimistic.

That’s how life goes sometimes. Life is still good.

At the old age of 37, I can say that this is the first time that I didn’t spend Valentine’s Day alone.

I haven’t mentioned here that I’ve been dating someone since January 1. I’ll have to write a separate post about that later.

Neither one of us are too big on Valentine’s Day. When I asked him about it, he said that ht always celebrates it as Darwin’s Day. He did want to spend the day with me, however.

After spending the previous afternoon and night together, we had breakfast together, played video games, cooked dinner together for the first time, and watched return of The Walking Dead. There was a break when I had to record a podcast. He studied while I did that. It was the first time we’ve been around each other for that long. Things went well.

I got him a Darwin-inspired gift, which he liked. I just took him home a little while ago.

Life is good.

I’m hiking now too.  Hiking is one of those things that you’re pretty much required to do if you live in Portland, besides getting a tattoo and recycling.  The Portland area has so many great places to go on a hike.  There’s also some great sites to see if you don’t mind driving 2 or 3 hours.

I lived in Portland for a couple of years before I went on my first real hike, and it didn’t even take place in Portland.  The hike actually took place when I went to Hawaii last year.  I went to top of Diamondhead all by myself.  It’s not that long of a hike, but it gets really tough close to the top.  There are some really steep stairs and I was carrying a lot of weight on my back.  Also on that trip I hiked to Manoa Falls.

Fast forward to the next summer when I went on a couple of hikes in the Portland area. One was to Angel’s Rest and another to Horsetail Falls, both in the Columbia Gorge area. I even went on something of a hike in Washington during the Twin Peaks festival. I have a book which lists 50 hikes within 50 miles of Portland and maybe one day I’ll do them. I already have my next location picked out.

My friend Dan is trying to talk me into climbing to the top of Mt Rainier in 2017.  Since I moved to Portland, I’ve always said that I would never try to climb a real mountain (Diamondhead doesn’t count).  Every winter I heard stories about people getting lost or stranded on our local mountain, Mt. Hood.  I say that you have to be crazy to want to climb a mountain.  This does sound tempting, though.  I’ll have to think about it.

Hiking has been fun, especially when I’ve gone with friends.  I hope to be able to go more frequently.  A friend of mine goes hiking almost every weekend during the summer.  It’s good exercise and I get some great photos along the way.  Maybe I’ll do some winter hiking. Maybe I’ll get in good enough shape to climb Mt. Rainier.

Wow! My dating life has taken off over the past couple of weeks. It’s not surprising that losing fat and putting on some muscle can make you much more appealing. People have told me that I seem more confident and my attitude has changed. I’d like to think that has something to do with it as well, but that part could be a direct result of losing fat and putting on muscle. But I guess physical appearance is what makes them interested in the first place.

I’m 36 and the guys that I have been out with lately are all between 20 and 25. I’ve seen one guy twice. This is surprising to me because most guys that young are only interested in guys around that age. In my experience, at least. I have been told that I look younger than I actually am though. It’s nice to hear guys tells me that I’m sexy, that I’m fun to hang out with, and they had fun when we did adult-type activities together.

Growing up, some of my friends would tell me that I wasn’t any fun to hang out with. Some of them would act like they were my friends, but would talk about me behind my back. This kind of thing lasted even into my college years, so even now I’m sometimes surprised when people like me and want to hang out with me.

When these nice, young guys are saying great things about me, there’s a small part of me that thinks there must be a catch. Are these guys up to something? Are they having fun at my expense? Is this some kind of joke? How can they like me?

Hopefully one day I’ll be able to get over these kinds of doubts and truly accept these guys as genuine. I know that I’m awesome and all the friends I’ve made in recent years and dates I’ve had in recent weeks are learning it as well.

Two weeks ago from this past weekend was Pride Northwest. Last year was my first time attending Pride. Last year, I only went to the festival with the booths and food and music, but this year I did more.

On Friday night, I participated in the Pride Glow Run. It’s basically a nighttime 5K where you’re decorated with glow sticks. There were some people dressed up in outfits. It took place near the Waterfront and it was pretty cold outside. When I wasn’t running, I was freezing. I didn’t know anybody there, though I did recognize someone who I had seen at Intel a few times. Once the race was over, I left. I know I must have looked weird when I walked in the 7-Eleven on the way home.

On Saturday, I was sick, probably from being out in the cold the night before, so I stayed at home.

On Sunday, I went to the Pride parade with my friend Alston, who is straight. I had a blast. It was great to see so many companies large and small represented. I saw several people I knew in the parade, both gay and straight. Maybe next year I’ll be in it. It was a LONG parade, so we didn’t see the end. I took Alston home and came back for the festival. I got lots of free stuff and got Nike #BETRUE shirt like last year. I went home after that.

Pride was a lot of fun. I’m glad to live in a city where this is possible. Next year, I hope to have time to participate in more events leading up to that final weekend and during the final weekend.

I found out that over this past weekend, Mississippi had a Pride event and a Comic Con. I wish they had those things when I was there, but I’m glad for folks in Mississippi. Progress.